how to tell an employee to smile more

at the time. I am still getting used to American style interaction, so I am lucky to be in a profession full of awkward people! It seems silly to put mental energy into holding my face into a more pleasing expression while I work, but the comments are getting on my nerves and I’m unsure if there is any ‘talk.’ I haven’t found a good response to the comments yet. I get exhausted smiling, always being cheerful and pleasing. But how do women get to the top in the first place? Demonstrate kindness in all dealings with employees. Found inside – Page 185Smile more. Unfortunately, only a third of us smile naturally, a third of us don't smile, and a third of us are considered smile ... Smiling builds trust and encourages others to want to get to know you better. ... Newest employees. I can certainly remember using smiles in all the ways this reader points out— often, in order to navigate a conversation with a male superior at work or at school. HR is management’s friend.). So this is all pretty gross. I called out a coworker who told me I looked “exhausted” once. Or, are you a woman who finds strangers’ comments intrusive but would stop at calling them out? I want to give her all the tools needed to navigate the world as it is. I stopped myself before my fist connected with his face, but—too late. You don’t? I’m fairly certain I wasn’t told to smile out of sexism or malice but it was certainly annoying. to be more understood as a form of . It seems more of a “you seem angry” and “you seem angry and it affects how we work together.” I have a co-worker who always seems angry and it puts me on edge. It is freaking scary! Cheers from peers. Strangers always think I’m smiling at them. Here’s Rachel’s bottom line on smiling: I think it’s about being perceived as a threat. I don’t have to smile; I’m at work. If I don’t comply, he takes it as an invitation to tell me I’m a bitch or whatever. To tell someone to smile is invasive. I’m going to give somewhat contradictory advice. That last point is illustrated by Chelsea Henderson, a reader who contended with comments far more intrusive than the passing demand for a smile: While I consider myself a strong, independent woman, I have a history of buckling under societal expectations: Be nice. 78. I think the “always wear your glasses” rule that I adopted at age 14 and my 15 years of judicious Botox have helped.). It might have something to do with my big brown eyes people probably confuse me with a sad puppy or something I dont know. Boring subject. In my experience, frequent targets of her encouragement are male waitstaff. “I’m sorry, but the site is closed for tonight,” the man said. And then I got angry at this man for telling me to smile, especially at a work event. The hard thing is to figure out how to pass on to my own daughter. It's women's work! Hug men who only deserve a handshake. Just think, if everywhere you go in the workplace you're apt to bump into a smiley face image, you're going to remember to smile much more often. Ugh. if it doesn’t solve it, then yes, we may talk harassement. Norma won her case. The study, conducted . In a previous note, a reader wondered “what might happen if one refuses to smile.” Here are some readers who did refuse—and then responded forcefully to the men who’d solicited their smiles. Here are three different approaches for women in this situation. “If not tonight, how about Monday?” he asked. Just be professional! I also “suffer” from resting bitchface, and I can’t wait to hear what the readers say here. I was a little nervous that this request might backfire, but it did not. This advice makes a certain amount of sense. 6. To be more honest, my real reaction is to say “Fuck you!” But to do so is to invite retaliation. I asked him if he wrote the same thing in my male colleague’s review. This next reader, Gail, shares what she learned from “25 years on Wall Street, working my way up from secretary to Managing Director”: Always dress better than the discount to men’s comp that you’re paid, never overtly take credit, always settle for the unwanted or under-performing accounts, learn fast how to deal with customer and coworker sexual overtures without alienating, and SMILE. Even when you say hello to an Eastern European, you are rewarded with RBF, a blank face, and you DON’T get a hello in return :(. Coach and mentor the employee to deal with difficult procedures or policies to improve professional communication and behavior. I am certain that Mr. Nice Guy never would have pulled that stunt on a random male at the bar who seemed preoccupied, because he knew that doing so would get him punched in the face. Ugh, indeed. There has been a LOT in the news lately about "bitchface" (when your resting face looks slightly angry/bitchy). Set objectives for networking, applications, interviews, skill development, research etc. Of course, he blamed me for it. The fact that Americans spend, on average, more than 40 hours a week at the workplace makes it a fertile ground for co-worker attraction. I’m unemployed and job hunting but also want to reset and recharge. Sorry. Yay! But after a while, that smile became genuine. As she smiled and nodded along to Donald Trump’s blustering criticism, I recognized that smile as one I’ve worn myself, any time I’ve disagreed with a man in a public setting—at work or in class or across a customer-service counter. In other words, while male attorneys—generally speaking—are allowed and even expected to be aggressive and domineering, that does not extend to female attorneys, who are frequently penalized if they attempt to conform to these emotional norms. I have had bosses, colleagues, clients, and total strangers tell me to smile, and when it comes from a man it grates on every nerve in my body. They'll be happier, more productive, and committed to their work once again—and you can both breathe a sigh of relief. It's one of the primary ways to keep employees engaged. :). If I could have reached this point without picking up on that, there must be many others out there like me, so I find it strange that you did not give any kind of evidence that this is a phenomenon that plagues girls and women in particular. Both my then-department chair and my then-supervisor did not support me. With a paycheck on the line, I have to let this slide. In recent weeks, though, I’ve heard from several people with an interesting excuse for waiting to get vaccinated: They say their doctors told them not to. Men just don't seem to tell other men to smile. I got some and think I got a boost just from 1) looking different and 2) not having tension headaches from reading teeny spreadsheets. He was the rude one: shouting at me on the street, demanding a smile when I owed him nothing, and then embarrassing me in front of everyone, making me feel watched, vulnerable, and alone. But in Oregon, it was different. Because— You're likely to come across other situations when you'll have to introduce yourself via email or in writing. Found inside“Leaders who do not confront employees who act contrary to the mission do more harm to the company than if they embezzle from the ... I would argue it's a little easier than telling a twenty-year staff person they need to smile more. Here Are 5 Powerful Ways to Make More Time You can reclaim a lot of time in your work and personal life by saying no every once in a while. Found insideAppeals for donations to starving children overseas are more effective if they feature smiling children than sad ones. ... The advice to supply service with a smile is found everywhere, in orientation manuals, employee handbooks, ... But when it comes to encounters with strangers, as this next reader points out, the mere lack of a smile can feel a lot less threatening than the demand for one: One thing I haven’t heard people talk about is what might happen if one refuses to smile. “Smile!” he’d say. Provide the employee with examples of the negative behavior you noticed and ask him for feedback. I think I may have gotten a pass on this smiling thing. Wishing to terminate her pregnancy, she filed suit in March 1970 against Dallas County District Attorney Henry Wade, challenging the Texas laws that prohibited abortion. I’d even go so far as to make a crack about bitchface. Found insidesee him smile, and I'd be lying if I said that he's not absolutely gorgeous when he does. “You should smile more. ... “Ethel isn't just an employee,” is his response. “I know.” I think back to the way she spoke of him at dinner. Ugh, I regret that moment. Ask human resources to provide the employee with information from an employee assistance program to get help with personal issues. It was more of a “Let me know I’m an okay guy” kind of message, as if I was telling every man I passed by that he wasn’t doing his job well unless I was smiling. It's the art of turning them into a habit that will make the difference in their lives. I think somewhere along the line, though, after years of making a conscious effort to look pleasant, this has trickled down to my resting face. My husband used to think I was going to murder him every time he saw me reading. They agreed that my frustrations were well founded and understood, but felt that my resulting facial expression misrepresented my department. How Do I Work With an Employee With a Bad Attitude? Maybe, if the person is squinting, they need reading glasses. Found inside – Page 79Denso employees smile more, are younger and seem happier than its Toyota peers. They also own more BMWs. The gossip has it that many Toyota employees recommend its offspring to join Denso rather than Toyota. Denso freshman employee ... A number of my coworkers and superiors have stopped while walking by to tell me that I look “too serious” or “angry” while I’m working. Picture this: I had just left the nursing home to visit my dying mother (who did not recognize me in her advanced stage of Alzheimer’s) and pulled into a restaurant to have a late breakfast before the long ride home. Found inside – Page 104At one company where workers were left shell-shocked by yet another round of downsizing. a manager told a female employee to "smile more often so that people would know just how grateful she was to still have a job. I’d respond to every interruption with a smile, and if that interruption is to tell me to smile, smile even bigger and say “just concentrating” with determined cheer. Found inside – Page 1Let your employees know that you care about their dissatisfactions, even if you cannot personally resolve them, and that you will respect ... The payoff is greater job satisfaction and increased productivity. ... Relax, and smile more! But inside, the guy was a sage and a sap—philosophical about disappointments, melancholy when the weather changed, moony over girlfriends. I have my own office but we keep our doors open, and anyone who walks by can see my face as I work. Recently, when I was line dancing at a club a woman on the sidelines yelled at me to smile. Sorry. It’s pretty nonsensical. One woman who didn’t let this slide is our next reader, “a Boomer mom” who’s taught at a community college for almost 30 years: Our union has always negotiated contracts with tenure after three years, but I was turned down at first. Have you gone through a similar experience when talking to female friends? :). But here’s the thing: My mother gets things done. All that was needed was 318 million bricks, 23 million cubic feet of concrete, and a major reengineering of the urban landscape. Corporette® is a Registered mark in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. It doesn’t seem fair that success, for a woman, would demand minimizing accomplishments, putting up with sexual harassment, and maintaining a specific appearance and behavior in a way that isn’t required of men. Interestingly, my grandma is a big encourager of people to smile more, which I’m sure is annoying to those people. Breathe in slowly for five seconds, then breathe out slowly for five seconds. It is very demoralizing to me. It's 99.9% likely that if you were a man, your boss wouldn't be telling you to smile. There’s the obvious implication that women look more attractive when smiling, which is seen by many as our primary purpose. Another reader, Beth, picks up on that dynamic: As a female I have been a big smiler all my life, not at anyone’s urging. If you have experience in the service industry and can speak to that point, please send us a note: hello@theatlantic.com. Take it from Patricia, who’s still frustrated by the way she internalized her male coworkers’ expectations: Men at work (at an unnamed federal agency) constantly told me to smile. I have had a few of my Superiors actually call me into their office and tell me to work on my attitude when I get frustrated. But she never had the abortion. 4. To the outside world, Bobby, 26, was a charmer, a striver, a furnace of ambition. Give them a chance to call out the positive things people are doing so they come to your attention, as well as everyone else's attention. Although I also am fortunate that my computer screen completely hides my face when I am concentrating or working so when someone approaches, I have time to arrange my face into a non-concentrating socially pleasant expression before I interact. As I had a family law practice, never really appeared in front of a jury, and the judges didn't care, I would point out the nonsensical nature of the advice and suggest that the people asking only wanted me to smile so they would feel more comfortable. Found inside – Page 199The relativeness of such statements and the dynamic nature of 'cultures' – in other words, the ability of people to change – is illustrated by this report by Gus Lubin: Russia's retail workers smile more than America's, ... Achieving this goal can only be done if we all come together, with community residents . Then I heard it: I ignored it, something I have been taught to do and choose to do. Is that a sense of entitlement and ownership of public space or what? She gave her baby girl up for adoption, and now that baby is an adult. It has never occurred to me that this was unusual or crossed my mind to think I was the victim of some sort of sexism. Every boss that has ever said this to me has been male. No need to view me as a threat. Please tell us: hello@theatlantic.com. and all of the above applies. I am not your monkey and you have no right to comment on my countenance. I would clench my teeth as his sneakers squeaked closer, steeling my face to stay rigid and calm. If I have a good relationship with the person: “Would you tell a male colleague to smile?”. Yes, this! How I should have shut him down. I know that fewer smiles would mean lower student evaluations, less enrollment in my classes, no work. Found inside – Page 127Workers have also- in varying degrees — reclaimed control of their own smiles , and their facial expressions in general . ... The company exhorts them to smile more , and " more sincerely , " at an increasing number of passengers . Ll be posting those soon fired me she would smile more, which I ’ m sure annoying! You tell a male, it still could be flirting - just with a high percentage of former military my. Too when I READ ” male stranger to smile women & # x27 ; t to. May be the most significant part of why comments on smiles can be placed on filing cabinets or room. I READ ” personal reasons why we might not feel like smiling but decided that would be that she smile!, is deeply ingrained in us from childhood would walk down the angle! Of this building I know seems to be positive in one-on-one interactions is great your way to make others more... 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